Life Goes On

I've been having somewhat of an internal struggle lately with life...and death. Like how BIG death seems, how final, how eminent for all of us. Now, I don't want to start a discussion on the afterlife or anything, I'll save that for later, but just the concept of death, and then the life that continues on afterward, especially when it hits close to home.

My mother-in-law has been sick in the hospital for nearly a month now. She has had several surgeries and each time she has been precariously perched on the edge of death. She lives far away, so we haven't been able to visit, so we get phone calls with the latest news. First, she's in ICU with pneumonia, and a severe infection, then she is intubated with a ventilator machine to breath for her, then she is able to breathe, then she can't breath and needs the tube, then she needs a feeding tube, then the feeding tube is dislodged and spilling into her gut, then she needs surgery to clean it out, then she needs the ventilator again....on and on it seems.

Then we get the phone call asking what our thoughts on "end of life" and "lifesaving measures" and DNR's and things you never want to talk about. I think that's finally when my husband decided to go, see his mom and offer support to his brother and dad and to assess for himself how big the situation really is. Is it as bad as they say? Right now it's looking like it is, but there's also progress, a small glimmer of hope. She opened her eyes and smiled and listened to a recording of our baby girl laughing. I'm glad he went. I was scared that if she died this time that he would regret not seeing her. The ultimate hope is if she pulls through, we can all go visit her in the fall and she can hold her granddaughter for the first time.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, life goes on. I am here, alone, dealing with a broken hairdryer (I know, so trivial! but such an annoying thing for various reasons), changing poopy diapers, trying to come up with a single person plus baby meals, disciplining an unruly dog, and sleeping by myself. Sometimes I feel like my life should stop for awhile too, like something should be different. But who else will change the diapers, make my meals, fight with the dog? Life and the mundane things must go on. For now the best thing I can do is pray, pray and pray, trusting that God has a plan in all of this and ultimately He will be glorified.